I like the English language. I like the way words can have a variety of meanings. Take the word 'wanker'
This can mean 'one who masturbates' or 'a fool'. The latter meaning is generally the accepted one (although interestingly, the verb 'to wank' is only associated with masturbation.)
However, if a person is 'wankered' it means he is drunk or otherwise inebriated. It seems appropriate to connect a word relating to the influence of alcohol to one referring to idiocy.
Yes, I was totally wankered on Wednesday. Impressively so. The dire warnings of the doctor appear to be true - a few pints of beer and a bottle of wine and I was, quite literally, anybody's.
The following day I was equally impressively ill. I'd never thrown up blood before. Still, first time for everything, eh?
Naturally, I paid a visit to the doctor. I may be a wanker, but I'm not a stupid wanker. He sat, smugly.
"So you ignored my advice?"
"s"
"You're going to follow it this time?"
"s"
(I felt the same as I felt when I was 7 years old and called to meet the headmaster concerning a story I'd written about Father Christmas in which naughty words were used because he was too fat in the chimney.)
"Its probably just the start of an ulcer. Most likely stress-related." he said "I'll book you in for some really invasively unpleasant tests"
Ok, he didn't say the last part. He didn't need to. He then dispensed that piece of advice that Doctors always hand out:
"Exercise more and drink plenty of water."
What is it with Doctors and that sentence?
"Doctor - I'm feeling a bit ill"
"Exercise more and drink plenty of water."
"Doctor - I've broken my arm"
"Exercise more and drink plenty of water."
"But its hanging right off!"
"Exercise more and drink plenty of water."
They should send a Doctor to the Climate Change Conference.
"How can we cut emissions and slow down the runaway greenhouse effect without pissing off the US?"
"Exercise more and drink plenty of water."
Day 2 of healthy living. Its a bit dull.
