Tomorrow I break the news to the family.

How to do it? Jolly and cheerful: "All those in a stable relationship, stand up! Now, you're probably wondering why I'm still sitting down..."

Or maybe gothic and maudlin: "God - she's left me. I wish I was DEAD"

How about cold and calculating: "Yes, she may have met someone else. But statistically speaking, they'll both be dead before me. I have only to wait..." (insert appropriate cackle)

I'm not sure. Option 1 may not go down too well. Option 2 is just tosh, and Option 3 is a bit too sinister.

I'll let my friend Beer decide for me. He's never normally wrong. Well, not until I sober up in the morning and start gnawing on my knuckles.