Its a slow news day today, so a little more about the man who prefers going off-course with his bicycle to intercourse with a consenting adult.

I generally cycle to work most days - its a 25 mile round trip and helps to clear the cobwebs of last night's debauchery from my remaining brain cells on the way in, and work off general anger and annoyance on the way back. This obviously means I make use of the showers thoughtfully provided by the company. These showers are neat little private cubicles with a private changing area attached. Good for the more modest among us.

However, sometimes in the summer, when the fair-weather cyclists come out, there can be a bit of queue.

So there I am in the shower, singing tunelessly. I turn around to reach for the towel and there he is! Standing behind the glass door stark bollock naked. Hands on hips and feet set a metre apart. He's obviously decided to wait inside the cubicle rather than out.

"Are you finished yet?" he bellows in a voice not unlike Brian Blessed (go see that Flash Gordon movie again - you'll get the idea)

I manage to squeak "Almost". You see, even through the shampoo I can see the chap is, er, a bit excited. "Please let it be a trick of the light" I mutter to myself and, focussing on the back wall of the cubicle where my clothes and safety reside, attempt to squeeze past.

I suppose, on reflection, there was an opportunity for promotion there, but there are some things a person should not have inflicted upon them at 6:30 in the morning. I suspect the female readers of this journal are currently nodding sagely.

*Shudder*