I am so tired. Seriously. I have been undone by my own prevarication.
As I sat in the taxi on the way back from the airport, my head lolling in that way that can only be achieved by a Christopher Reeve-style spinal injury or much too much beer, I pondered what I was going to do about the printed-out email that was sitting in my pocket. My boss needed a favour. A presentation due by the end of the week to be done by tomorrow.
And he, being a revolting born-again-non-drinker and born-again-non-smoker (Amsterdam had a profound effect on him, it would seem), was planning on reviewing it at 0430 this morning. I peered blearily at the clock on the driver's dashboard and calculated that I had about 6 hours left in which to do the work before I could slip into blessed inconsciousness. More than enough time you would have thought.
You would have thought wrong. You would have reckoned without my immense talents in the field of prevarication. I watched television. I made myself a sumptious meal involved healthy vegetarian ingredients. I did some ironing.
When I'd run out of things to do, I finally began; knowing that I was looking and feeling my best.
A wicked suggestion was made that I should slip a little naughty something into the presentation using Powerpoint's often abused animation tools. I don't think I did that, but things got a bit hazy at around 0230. I'm waiting for the telephone call saying "A slide has just appeared comparing the General Manager to Bert from Sesame Street in an unfavourable fashion - how did that get there?"
The presentation, attached to a self-serving whiny email was dispatched at 0300, and I settled into what I felt was a well-deserved bath, replete with good book and substantial alcoholic beverage. Some time later I woke up in freezing water, surrounded by dissolving bits of paper. There was a banging on the door. My lift to work had arrived.
And that, your honour, is how I came to be at work, looking like I'd been dragged through a hedge backwards with a hairstyle that z-list celebrities pay their stylists a fortune to achieve.
