1. Have a boss kind enough to sneak you into the executive club at the airport.
2. Regard the 'all-you-can-drink' bar as a challenge, not a generous gesture by an airline desperate to placate executive travellers.
3. Take 2 or 3 industrial strength painkillers. And some diazepam.
4. Board the plane before steps 2 and 3 have taken effect.
5. Sit in your cramped economy seat.
6. Fasten your safety belt.
7. Start feeling woozy as the stewardess embarks on the "Kiss Your Arse Goodbye If We Crash" speech.
8. Pass out.
9. Get shaken awake by the same stewardess checking to see if your safety belt is fastened. Ask "When do we take off?"
10. Be told that the plane took off 7 hours ago, and you're actually about to land in London.
Which is why I have no jet lag. Possible liver and kidney failure, maybe. But no jetlag.
