Sunday, January 30, 2005

2 Out Of 10

This post is rated R for content. If you found Janet Jackson's wardrobe malfunction worthy of the huge moral outrage seen in America and of the epic amount of news coverage devoted to it then you should close the browser now and go and watch QVC for a while. You should also consider getting a life.

I peered at the shiny green package that had been presented to me by my partner.

" 'Gives a tingling sensation to enhance stimulation for both partners'," I read doubtfully, "Where did you get these?"
"Boots," replied my companion, "I liked the packaging."

I'm not sure that selecting a protective based on the niceness of the box is necessarily a good thing. The world of the Newly Single is one where safe sex is practised although sadly only at an amatuer level - I've yet to turn professional. I did however recognise the brand and so thought "Why not?"

"How does that feel?" she asked
"Nmm" I said. It appeared that the 'tingling' sensation had been achieved by a liberal coating of mint or menthol. Think what your mouth feels like when you eat a strong mint and then drink a cold drink. Feels very very cold doesn't?

The 'tingling' appeared to actually be the 'pins and needles' sensation one gets upon the onset of numbness. And numbness defeats the object of the, er, activity somewhat.

From her side of the partnership, my companion compared her sensation to that of 'ice jiggling about' (ok, it was a little more graphic than that, but this journal is blocked by so many obscenity filters that I can't risk a verbatim reproduction.)

We left the remainder of the packet for the housekeeper to enjoy.

Anyone in need of a condom reviewer can find the email address in the sidebar.