That was an awful pun, wasn't it?
After the 2 Fast 2 Furious incident, you would have thought a lesson would have been learnt. A life experience filed away for future reference. A box ticked on the great questionnaire of life.
But no. On Saturday night I went to a friend's house for an evening of beer and talking twaddle. And watching a film. The film was Torque. It chose itself simply by the sheer awfulness of the front cover.
I can imagine how the film came about. A bunch of studio execs, sitting in a boardroom. Probably feeling tired and emotional after a session in the bathroom with some white powder.
One says: "That 'Fast And Furious' did well. Lets do one of those, except with motorcycles"
Another says: "Will there be breasts?"
"Oh yes. Many scantily clad breasts. Buttocks too. And gratuitous wet bikini shots that serve no purpose in moving the story aong other than making the mostly male adolescent audience spill their, er, pop-corn with excitement"
"We'd better get our best scriptwriters on this!"
"Nah, lets spend the money on cocaine and use this idea I wrote on the back of a cigarette packet instead"
So the story goes thus:
Lots of men shout at each other and fight. Stuff blows up. Everyone dies apart from the hero, his girlfriend and his friend (unsurprisingly played by Ice Cube, who is starting to surpass Jeff Fahey in the "the film's gonna bad if he's in it" stakes.) The final fight sequence and motor-cycle chase make it worth sticking with the film (or at least hitting the 'skip' button a few times.) I dare anyone not say "StreetHawk" (and then feel a bit embarrassed for knowing the reference) when the Hero and Bad Guy press the 'Fast' button on their bikes.
Oh, and the girl-on-girl-fight-on-motorbikes segment (sponsored by Pepsi) is essential viewing. Particularly with the director's commentary: "Yeah, we only had a short stage for this, but we used some clever filmwork to make it seem longer, so I don't think anyone noticed." Oh, we noticed mate. We noticed...
