Pharamacies in the UK are gradually becoming souless icons of efficiency as they get absorbed into the all-encompassing supermarkets.
However, there are still pockets of incompetence for the enthusiast to find. One is actually opposite the alley down which I live.
This is a store called 'Boots' - a very elderly version of the chain and, owing to the planning regulations of my town, likely to remain stuck in 1927 for the forseeable future.
I turned up, handed the pharmacist my prescription for a variety of drugs, some of which have a street value of more than I earn in a week, and sat and waited. Next to me sat an elderly lady who smelt faintly of cabbage, in the way that all old people do eventually. Probably an early stage of decomposition, I suspect.
Tiring of copies of copies of Cosmopolitan dating back to 1983 I studied the shop shelves that faced the waiting area. To my surprise it was the, er, 'preventatives' section. I had no idea there was such a variety. So I spent a happy few minutes speculating what a product with the special feature of "Double Action Spring Mechanism" actually entailed. Certainly something to make ones' or one's partners' eyes water.
The elderly lady had her gaze fixed on the selection of pregnancy tests on the bottom shelf. I felt obliged to say something.
Me: "Heh, good thing having those nearby, in case one of the products on the shelf above fails, eh?"
She: (silence)
Me: (starting to dig) "There seems such a variety these days, doesn't there? I can't help wondering what the differences are."
She: (silence)
I was about to dig myself in further with "In my day we had to mke to with clingfilm and sellotape - haha" when the pharmacist appeared. He stood directly in front of the lady and in a loud, clear voice said: "Here are your tablets, Mrs Jones".
The lady adjusted her hearing aid, took the proffered bag and pottered out. I made a mental note to the effect that an elderly person with a cable going to an earpiece is probably not listening to Ms Dynamite. Although the gold cord around her neck for her spectacles probably constituted 'bling'
