Now, here's a thing. Tomorrow, The Ex is dropping off First-born and my former mother-in-law is going to be coming along.
She and First-born used to be the best of friends, but sadly my ex-mother-in-law has yet to grasp that First-born is no longer 3 years old. First-born therefore tolerates her with that icy aloofness that children reserve for adults in whom they are no longer interested (and then, once the child hits about 22 and realises the hurt they caused, find it too late to apologise for.)
But I digress. The ex-mother-in-law (referred to as 'EMIL' from now on) is quite keen to have a look around my new place. I was initially ambivalent about this, but now am in two minds. Three or four minds, in fact.
Initially, I worried about the state of the bathroom and the general tidiness of the place. Then I thought about creating a Tracy Eminesque scene of destruction, complete with empty vodka bottles and other less savoury detritus scattered about. Perhaps I could be found sitting, slumped in front of the TV, solitary finger poised over the remote control, surrounded by empty beer cans.
Finally, it occurred to me that I could persuade the Hair Dresser to emerge, garbed in only a towel, from the bathroom while The EMIL is on her tour. Heck, I'd quite like the Hair Dresser to emerge, garbed only in a towel, from the bathroom regardless of The EMIL's presence.
Of course, what I'll actually do is clean the bathroom and make sure the place is at its best. First-born will be present after all. However, it appears that The Ex and The Boyfriend have set a date for their wedding, and I have Plans. Oh yes, I have Plans...
