This time next week I will be in my own house, with my own front door and my own curtains to draw over the world.
Except for upstairs, where there are no curtains on the skylights. But thats ok - I like the stars. Next year I'm going to go to a desert and spend a few nights camped outside so I can look at a proper night sky.
Today I made my first foray into solo-furniture shopping (having comprehensively failed at IKEA.) The first stop was positively Pythonesque.
She: "Hello sir, how can I help you?"
Me: "I'd like to buy a bed, please."
She: "Oh, I'm sorry sir. We only sell kitchens here."
Me: (double take) "This *is* 'Sharps Bedrooms' isn't it?"
She: "Yes sir"
Me: "But you don't sell beds?"
She: "No sir"
Me: "Or anything bedroom related?"
She: "No sir. We do have a special offer free appliances with selected kitchens, if you're interested..."
Me: "Does a bed feature in any of those appliances?"
She: "Of course not sir, we only..."
Me: "...sell kitchens. Silly me."
She: "You might want to try the carpet shop next door. They sell beds."
And indeed they did. Two beds. Both of which were horrible. The salesman shrugged when I asked if I could see a catalogue. "We don't have one," he said "Not much demand for beds, you see"
I was tempted to speculate as to the location where he slept of a night (looking at the chap, he was more like to sleep in a coffin during the day.) You'll not be surprised to learn that his carpet shop actually sold formica tables and chairs (and two awful beds.)
And so local shop hell continued.
