Today's post is dedicated to an explanation of The Ex. Its a bit rambling, so I apologise in advance.
This journal began a week after I was 'dumped' in favour of her boss, and as such only contains the fall-out. It also serves as way whereby I can record Things That Happen.
The Ex was actually a new (intern?) teacher while I was at college. We got together when I was 18, and married when I was 21. We had lots and lots of fun.
First-born came along when I was 25.
Things probably began to go wrong then.
I became an object of resentment since The Ex opted to breast-feed until FB was 4. I lack those attributes and so was unable to do an awful lot in midnight feedings except make cups of tea.
Once FB moved on, and began to sleep through the night (as of 3 years ago) I thought things would begin to sort themselves out. However, it seems the resentment festered, and almost 2 years ago The Ex began a relationship with her boss.
I, of course, was unaware. Everything seemed ok to me. We went on family holidays. Went out in the evenings. Laughed, joked and talked. It didn't seem odd to me that she was spending a lot of time, and the odd weekend, working late. After all, teachers have a substantial workload and I try/tried to be supportive of that.
The affair, it seems, went into overdrive when FB took part in a show in regional theatre. Because The Ex was so busy with the teaching 'stuff', I spent 6 months taking FB to rehearsals, sitting through costume fittings, etc, etc.
I did think it was odd that The Ex's boss came to the show.
And, a few weeks after, on Mother's day, The Ex came out with the news. It was a total shock. I genuinely had no idea. I thought since FB was now sleeping through the night things were sorting themselves out. Everything seemed ok.
The funny thing is this - she said she'd spent the night around The Boyfriend's house. It was a girl's night out, and if she'd said she'd got drunk and couldn't drive home, I would have believed her. But she told me the truth, and The Boyfriend later told me The Whole Truth.
It seems everyone. I mean *everyone* knew what was going on, except me. Unless you experience it, you can't know how that feels. Almost 2 years,
The Ex wants us all to be friends. And for the sake of FB (and because I try and be rational about stuff) I go along with it. This is why she sometimes makes what seem to be outrageous demands. This is possibly because I haven't shouted, or ranted, or raved (FB again.)
Its hard. Really hard. But in the UK at least, The Ex has the power to prevent me ever seeing FB again. I don't want that, and I know The Ex would do it.
So I go along with it all. I grit my teeth and log stuff in this journal. Sometimes I snap (the garage door key incident, for example) but I fear for FB.
I've spent the last 3 months working out what it was I did wrong. A couple of days ago (on the beach) I realised that I did nothing wrong. The Ex is perpetually dissatisfied, and nothing I could do would change that.
I realised that she actually isn't a good person. How so?
(the next bit is a little icky, and readers of a faint heart should look away)
After FB not sleeping for 4 years, The Ex and I decided that we didn't want any more children. I didn't like the idea of the woman I loved filling herself with birth control drugs, and other methods didn't strike me as a reliable. So I took, er, steps of a permanent nature. We discussed it, we both agreed it was safer than her going through it, and so it was done.
And while I was doing that, she was laying plans with The Boyfriend.
This is why, in my eyes, The Ex flipped overnight from life partner to the person who appears in this journal. I will never understand how she could have let me go through with that knowing that within a year I'd be joining the ranks of The Dumped.
And that is all I have to say as explanation for The Ex. The journal will continue to feature occasional examples of outrageous behaviour. There was a really good one today...
